I Am Me: Undefined

The first day I gained my freedom, I was twenty-seven.  It was both exhilarating and terrifying. There was a time where I looked back on that day and felt nothing but pain.  Pain of what I walked away from, pain because I had left the people I loved most, pain because I was leaving a … Continue reading I Am Me: Undefined


Back to Blogging a Little Bit More

I've been really quiet in the last several weeks, not because I had nothing to say, but I needed to be in a more positive head space to write.  I've gone through a bit of a depressive spot lately, and I don't want this space to be somewhere negative.  Yet, anytime I tried to write, … Continue reading Back to Blogging a Little Bit More

Session with T–Admitting Relapse

I learned something new yesterday.  Remember that feeling you'd get when the teacher (or worse, the principal) called your parents when you were a kid? Weird, it feels almost the exact same when my dietitian decides that a phone call to my therapist is warranted. I don't think I even made it through the frame … Continue reading Session with T–Admitting Relapse

1 Full Year Purge Free

My recovery is far from solid, but this is the closest I've ever made it towards true recovery, and so I'm going to celebrate progress.  Today marks 365 days without any purging type behaviors--no exercise, no laxative use, no vomiting. I've managed to fight against anorexia without seeing it morph back into bulimia for the time … Continue reading 1 Full Year Purge Free

My Father is a Sociopath and I still Love Him

I love someone who has no capacity to love anyone in return. My own dad can't love me, but that doesn't prevent me from loving him.  Despite the worst things he has ever done, he still holds a place in my heart.  I get asked "how" or "why" quite often. "How could you possibly still … Continue reading My Father is a Sociopath and I still Love Him

Personal Revelations–Freeing Myself from Stockholm Syndrome

    I spent years wrapped in guilt. I walked away from my father because the abuse had risen to a level that was no longer safe. Shutting that door, meant shutting it forever. And I knew it would hurt. I put his emotional needs above my own. I was worried about how my leaving … Continue reading Personal Revelations–Freeing Myself from Stockholm Syndrome

Learning to Appreciate the Body you Inhabit

As women, we seem to constantly judge our own appearances. We compare ourselves to one another, to those in the media, to societies standards of beauty.  We zone in on our flaws, and disregard what is beautiful.  We never seem to measure up. Eating disordered or not, positive body image is something we all struggle … Continue reading Learning to Appreciate the Body you Inhabit


I watch my four-year-old and can't help but admire everything that she is. I watch her twirl in the mirror and grin back at her own reflection.  When asked if she's beautiful, she unabashedly responds with "yes". She will confidently tell us she is pretty even as she stands in mix matched pajamas, her hair … Continue reading Carrigan